It is So Fake it’s Funny

College.

They tell you it is somehow better than high school. But no, you just end up sitting in different rooms with different people who all are in cliques and think they are better than you. Like seriously can you not tell that you are just a carbon copy of the person sitting three rows in front you or living in the dorm room down the hall. I cannot wait to graduate because I really dislike this feeling. I cannot exactly describe it.

The need to simultaneously fit in while standing out. The need to be an individual within a pack of other individuals. The kicker is there are so many others like me here, so many trans/gender non binary people who seem to have it down. They made it into these groups.

There seems to be some vital piece of this puzzle that I am missing, it is like I have 3 of the four corners and am trying to find my way to see the whole picture but simply cannot. That seems to be the case most of the time. That I come so close to something only to have it remain slightly out of reach.

I have struggled with severe social anxiety my entire life. It is the worst when I am in a room full of people I have already met, because they can see me. I prefer being invisible. I prefer observing. Which is probably why I am on my way to being a sociologist.

Photo: Unlock. Roskilde, DK. 2013.

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